Queenie's Bad Day
by Red Witch
Summary: It's not easy being the Queen of the Crown. And having idiots around her doesn't help.


**Once again Kilbane blasted apart the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. Just another mad blurb that had to get out of my head. **

**Queenie's Bad Day**

"Behold my new and improved armada fleet ship!" The Queen of the Crown gestured to Lazarus Slade, Ryker Kilbane and her army. "This new model is twice as fast and twice as powerful as the old ones. It the crowning glory of our civilization! A symbol of the strength and unending power of the Crown Empire!"

At that very moment one of the slaver lords that had been flanking the Queen started to fizzle and smoke. The crystal that made it turned instantly to dust and the slaver lord collapsed, destroyed.

"I **hate **it when that happens," The Queen hissed through her teeth.

"Can we get a clean up here?" Slade whistled. Immediately a crown soldier came out with a broom and a dust holder and started to sweep it up.

"I gotta admit your majesty," Kilbane grunted. "That's a mighty nice space ship you got there. Nothing like a new model to get everyone's attention."

"Yes Kilbane," The Queen said. "This is…"

"Yep nothing like being the new model on the block," Kilbane interrupted. "Knowing you're the top of the line and the best of the best."

"Quite…" The Queen cleared her throat. "As I was saying…"

"Then comes the day when you're **not **the new model any more," Kilbane went on. "**Someone else** is the new model. And everybody pays attention to him. You're busting your brains out showing everyone how great you are and all everyone can do is gawk over some bleached blonde him-bo like he's the greatest thing since sliced bread!"

"Oh boy…" Slade groaned. "Here we go…"

"Of course you **know** you're better than he is, but just because he's newer and cuter people think he's great!" Kilbane ranted. "But he's not great! He's inferior! Sometimes the newer models **aren't **so great! Ever hear of something called the Edsel? That was new for it's time and it wasn't great! That's what Gooseman is! The Edsel of the Supertrooper world! Someone should have scrapped him a long time ago and…"

"KILBANE!" The Queen snapped. "Focus here!"

"Sorry," Kilbane apologized. "I kind of went away for a minute."

"You just can't **shut it off** can you Kilbane?" The Queen groaned.

Just then another thing shut off. Another slaver lord fizzled and disintegrated. "Oh for crying out loud!" The Queen snapped. "I just **got **that one last week!"

"Clean up!" Slade whistled again.

"If it's not one thing it's another!" The Queen grumbled.

"So just get yourself some more slaver lords," Kilbane shrugged.

"It's not that simple you simpleton Supertrooper!" Slade snapped. "There aren't exactly that many species that can make a good slaver lord. Most of them are either hard to find or extinct!"

"It's not like I don't have anything **better** to do with my day!" The Queen snapped. "My schedule is full enough as it is!"

With a snap of her fingers a crown agent appeared with her schedule book. "Look at this! I'm already behind schedule!" She looked at it. "Look at this! This is cutting into my overseeing of executions and torture victims! I **love** that part of the day! It helps me relax!"

"It's all right my Queen we don't have anyone in the dungeons today," The Crown Agent told her.

"I thought we had at least five people in there?" The Queen glared at him.

"We did, they kind of…Escaped," The Crown Agent gulped. "Don't know how that happened."

"Well go out and get someone to throw in there!" The Queen snapped. "This is Tortuna! I'm sure **someone** is doing **something** illegal! I don't care if it's only jaywalking! Go out and get me a bunch of people to torture and turn into slaver lords!"

"Yes my Queen…" The Crown Agent gulped and ran off.

"And include the idiot who was overseeing the dungeon among them!" The Queen snapped.

"He's already dead your majesty," Another Crown Agent said cheerfully.

"Great! That's **another** thing I have to do!" The Queen groaned. "Find a new dungeon master and fill out the paperwork! I've got enough things on my schedule! Come up with a new plan to destroy the Galaxy Rangers, create new laws so I can arrest people of breaking them and use them as slaver lords…Do you have any idea how **hard** that is? I'm already into the gum chewing variety! Inspect the research and development team for new weapons, spend time with my slaver lords and try to uncover plots to take over my crown…Then there's that hour of personal torture with Rudolpho…"

"Personal torture?" Slade blinked.

"My exercise regimen," The Queen explained. "What? You think I can just slip into these form fitting outfits **without** help? I swear he's the second most useful person I have! I once lost six pounds in one week thanks to his sessions!"

"Second? Who's the first?" Kilbane asked.

"My fool of course," The Queen said. "Which reminds me I have that dinner with him tonight. I can't cancel that again!"

"Why are you spending so much time with that fool?" Slade snapped. "What can he do that I **can't?**"

"Put a smile on my face," The Queen sneered at him. "A very **big** smile!"

"Way too much information," Kilbane groaned.

"I'm booked!" The Queen said. "I'm booked! I tell you it is so hard running an evil empire. I'm not even my own boss anymore. I can't even sleep in mornings it's so bad."

"You're not the only one who can't sleep in," Kilbane grunted. "Every night I keep dreaming about Gooseman and how he's ruined my life!"

"Doesn't take much to set him off doesn't it?" The Queen sighed as she looked at Slade.

"Kilbane will you just give it a **rest?**" Slade groaned as he put his head in his hands.

"Rest? I can't rest! I can't rest until I prove once and for all how **inferior **Gooseman is!" Kilbane roared. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!"

"Kilbane…" The Queen gave him a hard look. "Here's some advice. GET SOME THERAPY!"

"The only therapy I need is to smash that Runt's face into the pavement!" Kilbane roared. In blind rage he lifted up a huge heavy statue and threw it with all his might.

And it landed right on the new armada ship, making a very big hole in it's side. "Oops," Kilbane blinked. "Wow. That's a big hole."

"I'm gonna need more than this to clean **that** up!" The Crown Trooper holding a broom and dustpan remarked.

"You know Kilbane maybe I **will** follow your suggestion of making more slaver lords?" The Queen glared at him.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Kilbane furiously pounded on the glass dome that surrounded him in the psychocrypt. "LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Oh this is going to relax me to no end," The Queen chuckled as she stood watching the whole thing. "You may be a second rate Supertrooper Kilbane, but you will make a first class slaver lord! Begin!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Kilbane roared in agony as his life force started to drain from his body. However his bio-defenses immediately began to react.

BOOOOOOOM!

To the Queen's horror she found her slaver lord device completely destroyed. "Big mistake Queenie!" Kilbane roared as he stood there glowing. "Your stupid machine doesn't work on Supertroopers!"

"GET HIM!" The Queen shouted to her soldiers. "GET HIM!"

Of course Kilbane dispatched her soldiers easily and even shattered a few crystals on some slaver lords, destroying them. "You thought Gooseman was a problem Queenie?" Kilbane hissed. "Guess what? I'm **ten times** the pain he is!"

"You can say **that** again…" The Queen groaned.

"Keep your money lady! I'm gonna have fun trashing what's left of your pathetic empire just because you pissed me off!" Kilbane roared as he made a hole in the wall and escaped.

"So to recap…" Slade gulped. "Your new armada ship is in the shop, the psycho crypt is temporarily out of commission, you've lost a few more slaver lords and now you've made a major enemy out of Kilbane…"

"This just isn't my day…" The Queen of the Crown hung her head down.

"Uh My Queen…" The Crown Technician gulped. "From what I can see it's going to be a while before we can make any more slaver lords."

"Define 'a while'…" The Queen growled.

"Well if we have crews working around the clock I estimate maybe two or three months…" The Crown Technician gulped. "Maybe less if we have a few slaver lords working on it."

Just then another slaver lord started to fizzle. The crystal decomposed and turned into dust and another slaver lord was gone. "Or not…" The Crown Technician gulped.

"It figures…" The Queen calmly got up and started banging her head against the wall. "It figures…"


End file.
